somewhere over the rainbow

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

attitude. coincidence.

oasis - wonderwall



Today is gonna be the day
That they're gonna throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you gotta do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do about you now

Backbeat the word was on the street
That the fire in your heart is out
I'm sure you've heard it all before
But you never really had a doubt
I don't believe that anybody feels
The way I do about you now

And all the roads we have to walk along are winding
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding
There are many things that I would
Like to say to you
I don't know how

Because maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Today was gonna be the day
But they'll never throw it back to you
By now you should've somehow
Realized what you're not to do
I don't believe that anybody
Feels the way I do
About you now

And all the roads that lead to you were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you
I don't know how

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

I said maybe
You're gonna be the one who saves me
And after all
You're my wonderwall

Said maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me
You're gonna be the one that saves me



look at the lead singer in the mv. his big sunglasses. the facial expression. the way he sits. the way he pulls his shirt. Attitude. feel like giving him a slap on his face hahaha. i like their style. their songs r quite cool

today still feel kind of tired. last night didnt have a good sleep eventhough i slept quite early. woke up at the wrong timing, with a wrong mood. tmr should be fine

somehow i always feel that the weather correlates to how i feel, eventhough i do understand well that it is coincidence. today feel a bit tired n gloomy, n it is drizzling outside. not much sunshine like how i feel. sometimes when i feel very bad, outside will be raining heavily. sometimes the weather is so good, bright sunny day with clear blue sky n white fluffy clouds, n coincidentally my mood will be quite beautiful on that day. coincidence..what a weird thing to understand in life

looking forward to tmr. going to catch a movie with my cousin. short break in the middle of the exam period. i dont care la. a few hours of enjoyment wont affect things much. hope tmr will be fun :)

Monday, October 30, 2006

another day

the paper today actually wasnt too bad. especially for someone like me who just couldnt start the revision early, dragged until the very last minute n tried to cramp everything in ONE NIGHT. leaving the exam hall feeling quite good actually hehe, becos it didnt turn out as bad as i thought it would be. just hope that the result will be good


feel kind of...sad


haih..

Saturday, October 28, 2006

stock market

exam period now. so emotion will fluctuate even more compared to normal days. stock-market style. roller-coaster like. whatever way u call it. just a bit more unstable

finished my 1st paper yesterday. spent some time with my dearie in her room while waiting for the ride home. enjoyable chat. after the paper i was completely down. all i wanted was just to sleep. but then managed to meet up with her for lunch, n later decided to just go to her room while waiting for my cousin to come. nice chat. was really happy after that

last night tried to study but my brain was just too tired to take in anything. no point forcing anything to go in. had a good sleep. woke up feeling great today

have a nice day. stay happy. i will be happy too if you are happy

Friday, October 27, 2006

little shine for the day

well..guess is ok that so far no one has brightened up my gloomy day. glad to know that i managed to brighten up someone's day though

(glad that u like it. thanks for the chat n the jokes)

(n thanks to my dearie Hooi Yee for the good luck msg. i know u care)

Thursday, October 26, 2006

the time of the year

exam starts tomorrow

nothing much to say. dont feel like saying anything

as gloomy as the weather now. no shine

i need some sleep

memories

joy enriquez - how can i not love you

i prefer the lyrics to the melody..the lyrics r good



Cannot Touch, Cannot Hold
Cannot Be Together
Cannot Love, Cannot Kiss
Cannot Have Each Other
Must Be Strong
And We Must Let Go
Cannot Say What Our Hearts Must Know

How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Walk Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone

Cannot Dream
Cannot Share Sweet And Tender Moments
Cannot Feel How We Feel
Must Pretend Its over
Must Be Brave
And We Must Go On
Must Not Say What We've Known All Along

How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Walks Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone

How Can I Not Love You
Must Be Brave
And We Must Be Strong
Cannot Say What We've Known All Along

How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Walk Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
How Can I Not Love You When You Are Gone

how does one walk away from all of the memories? do you know how? i think it is even harder for ppl like me who can keep memories well. i have a weird brain which can keep things for quite long. conversations, events, experiences...i obviously dont know how to walk away from memories haha

today as usual i watched the taiwanese drama that i have been chasing these days. it is called The Hospital (白色巨塔). in the episode today, the female character was adviced to forget about certain things in the past. things which were meant to be forgotten should be forgotten. well..i think it is easier to say it than to do it, no? sometimes we just cant help but to live in memories. we will have to learn how to let go of certain memories, or bury them deep down inside ourselves, keep the memories, try not to reminisce, in order to move on with life. it is not easy to leave certain memories, especially good ones, but we cannot live on forever in the past, can we?

memories are meant to be kept. you can think about them once in a while, but not all the time. remember

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

one of my favourites

jay chou - casualties after war 止战之伤

back

back to KL. exam starts on friday.

last few days..supposed to study hard. but i spent most of my time dreaming. thinking. sleeping. didnt study as much as i wanted but i had a good rest. 2 more days before my first paper. have to work hard. BETTTER WORK HARD

tonight..something unexpected happened n cheered me up :) but my beautiful mood didnt last long. agitated by some ppl who tried to ask for help. well..i did try to help. but i wasnt too willingly to help. asking for too much details. just asking too much! sigh...i used to be someone who is so willingly to help ppl. but now..no more. i m too tired of ppl who just take advantage of my kindness. only talk to me when they need help, shower me with plenty of questions..am i being very bad? for being reluntant to help sometimes? or is it only correct that i should just give help willingly to anyone at all? n let ppl take me for granted? i dont know what to say

i guess i need some sleep. start off fresh tomorrow. hope tomorrow will be good

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

new phase

finally finished up all my assignments and reports! :D FINALLY. had been thinking, doing, rushing for the past 2 weeks. finally clear them up. what a relief

so the next big thing: finals for this sem. will start preparing tmr. i want to do better this sem

realise something these few days..sometimes we are hurt becos we allow ourselves to get hurt. we feel hurt becos of ourselves, not becos of what others do or say. make sense? i m not really sure..

going home on thursday :) will be back on tuesday. by then, some things definitely will not be the same anymore...hope by then, i will be more confident for my first 2 papers.

Friday, October 13, 2006

interest

i like drawing. since i was very young.

my 1st master piece was actually done before i joined kindergarden if i didnt remember wrongly. drew a big whale on the wall of my house with coloured pencils. i didnt remember any punishments though hahaha..still roughly remember how i felt while i was drawing it, how the whale became bigger n bigger on the wall, how i let my imagination ran wild and expressed it on the wall.

enjoyed colouring when i grew a bit bigger. really liked those books which had pictures for u to colour. would feel quite happy when i had new colouring books, felt quite thrilled with new coloured pencils. Luna brand coloured pencils (the one with a symbolic sail boat on the cover) are always the best. until now i still think Luna is the best haha..

then i started to join drawing classes. learnt how to draw a nice picture, how to colour them. starting from crayons, then some water colour, pencil sketching..then i found a better teacher. thats when i improved much. but too bad i stopped my classes when i was Form 3. PMR year. government exam. my mum wanted me to concentrate on my studies. i was entering the stage of learning how to do sketches, u know sketching with real things in front of u, drawing human portrait kind of drawing, when i had to stop my classes. i never join the classes back after PMR, becos drawing was not one of my subjects in sch anymore..my mum said there was no need to join the classes anymore. it has always been a sad thing that i never join back the classes. if not i would have learnt how to draw human portraits and now i can just draw whoever i want hahaha..

still draw once in a while. but i rarely keep what i drew. they are always meant to be presents. the only thing i drew lately which i didnt give it away is a snow angel. just like the angel. drew it just to keep it for myself. one of the things that i drew which i was really quite satisfied with it is a Mitsubitshi Lancer Evo. i have never liked to draw cars n i thought the drawing would turn out bad. but i was really satisfied with it and felt quite relunctant to give it away hahaha, but still it was meant to be a gift. yesterday i drew some fungi. was short of time so i cut off some details haha. but i was still quite satisfied with the end product.

i enjoy drawing. although i cant draw very very well. just sit there, draw, colour. concentrate on what i draw. i dont really mind how long it will take me to finish my work. i just enjoy the whole process. but so far i realise all the things i draw just contain these few colours: blue, purple, black, white. maybe my life is just too blue. bright colours just cant catch my attention. they cant enter my life.

i dont know when i will draw again. will just start again when the time comes.


the picture which i followed when i drew the Evo


my blue angel. this is what i drew


my fungi

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

just like him

a new song sang by Fish Leong 梁静茹. melody n lyrics by Jay Chou. Just like Jay Chou. Just like his songs.

就是喜欢周杰伦


梁静茹-失忆

作曲:周杰伦 | 填词:周杰伦

我书桌上的香水

你沉默的背对
只剩下那一点点
还是闻得到从前

西装里的口袋
我整理过的爱
又破了那一点点
我帮你补了誓言

从没实现的摇滚梦
我也陪你走好多遍
断弦的吉他
始终弹不出我要的答案
我和你拼了好几夜
约翰蓝侬的图片
却拼不到一个永远
我在等你喊停

感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋
无奈的笑试图让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好

感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸
我不知道也许我会得到
一句还是朋友这
是借口还是尽头

西装里的口袋
我整理过的爱
又破了那一点点
我帮你补了誓言

从没实现的摇滚梦
我也陪你走好多遍
断弦的吉他
始终弹不出我要的答案
我和你拼了好几夜
约翰蓝侬的图片
却拼不到一个永远
我在等你喊停

感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋
无奈的笑试着让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好

感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸
我不知道也许我会得到
一句还是朋友
这是借口还是尽头

感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋
无奈的笑试着让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好

感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸
我不知道也许我会得到
一句还是朋友
这是借口还是尽头

good

feel great today :) had a good sleep last night. 11pm until 8am today. for once i can just off the light, sleep on the bed properly n dont have to tell myself to wake up after 1 or 2 hours to do my work. woke up feeling refreshed today. very good :)

yesterday..needed some help. was thinking about how to settled it n was thinking who i might be able to go to, but it seemed to be just a thought. when i was on my way back to the computer lab to continue with my assignment, the ppl whom i was thinking about actually appeared right in front of me! i got the help i needed. a guardian angel who has always been helping me when i need help. but this guardian angel doesnt guard me though..just dont mind to help me sometimes. anyway i appreciate it. what happened yesterday brightened up my gloomy day.

shall get going with life today. a smile for you n me :)

Monday, October 09, 2006

one more

half way with my 2nd last assignment. after this is done i will have one more to go.

i guess i m just too tired with all the work. over the weekend i didnt do much work. just didnt have the mood to do it. after one whole week of rushing, i just wanted to rest for a while. everything was slowed down during the weekend. didnt rush my work. didnt do much.

still not feeling very good. still quite down.cant really do things fast. negative thoughts. low self esteem...

the depression is still not over yet.

still there

Sunday, October 08, 2006

a movie

i watched The Banquet twice. out of all the characters inside, i like Qing Nu (青女) the most.

an innocent character who treats ppl with a true heart. despite how cunning n bad the ppl around her are.

she is strong and determined. continues to love someone who doesnt love her in return.

she is fortunate in a way. other than a loving father, she has a brother who loves her so much.

"哥哥心里有你. 哥哥不会让任何人伤害你."
really like this sentence said by the brother to her

another fortunate thing for her is..eventhough the one that she loved didnt love her in return, at least in the end she died in his arms.

to love someone but didnt get the love which u hope that u can get in return....silly? sounds like it

but recently someone told me that no, thats not silly. thats a process.

well..true in a way. a process..which demands a price actually.

for Qing Nu, the price she paid was her life. in reality, the price maybe is just pain. disappointment. r u willing to pay such a price? u really want to love someone who does not or may not love u in return?

follow ur heart. listen to what ur heart says n do it. as long as u r happy. thats the most important thing, isn't it?

Friday, October 06, 2006

screwed up

i slept for the whole night n didnt do my assignments. only woke up at 4.30am. i dont know what to say..

i realise..when u r feeling really bad n u express it out somehow, eg on ur msn nick or through ur facial expression or any other body language, ppl who really care about u will really come to talk to u n make u feel better. i really appreciate ppl who have shown me some care one way or another for these few days. what they had said n done really made me feel better.

time to start work.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

very bad

feel EXTREMELY DEPRESSED now....feel like crying but no point la..

rushed until like dont know what for the presentation a while ago..I FEEL SO BAD

2 more things to rush tonight. one needs 2500 words. another one needs 1500 words. speechless....

i need a break tmr or weekend..i feel like watching movie. but i m very tired of asking ppl whether they can go with me or not. those that r so willing to go me r so far away from me now....

tell me what to do..sighhhhhh

i m practically stoning now..i dont know what i m typing about.

i dont know what i m doing now..WHAT ON EARTH M I DOING NOW?!?!?!?

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

things that brought a smile on me today

(1) my dearie brought me pineapple tarts as she promised..so sweet

(2) my friend finally transferred the photo i wanted to me. he actually wanted to transfer all the photos he had to me but my pendrive couldnt fit them. so sorry..

(3) one of my lecturers extended the due date for the assignment. supposed to due tmr but now is due on the coming saturday

actually had a feel that things are turning better. but a while ago the happy mood went down all the way again..is ok hope tmr will be as good as today, hope that little things will happen to brighten up my day


memory

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

i cant take it anymore

This is actually my 100th post for this blog. i really hope that i can talk about something happy. but no la..this post will be as sad as other posts, if not sadder..

I screwed up my holidays. didnt finish up any of my work. n i couldnt make it for the deadlines today. i feel so hopeless. so sad.

one whole week full of deadlines..n i already couldnt make it for the first day of the week...sigh...how i wish someone can help me.

I REALLY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE. SO DEPRESSED N HOPELESS. ALL I FEEL LIKE DOING NOW IS TO GIVE UP N CRY

but that is not going to help right? no time crying. trying to stay calm. STAY CALM

i really need some place to destress n voice out my worries. n i think the best place is still my own blog. DONT WORRY ABOUT ME if u happen to read this post within this week. i will feel this terrible for the rest of this week. after this week i will be fine. hopefully.

today is not dat bad actually. at least still have some little things happened which managed to make me feel a bit better. i hope tmr also will have things happen which can cheer me up even just a little bit. just little things will do. i hope tmr i will have some time n energy left to chat with ppl i want to chat with.

time to start work. wish me good luck tmr.

i wish you health and more than wealth. i wish you love.