i hate myself

First of all, new blog skin. hmm does it look better? was thinking dat the black one was kind of too dark..needed a change. so picked this out of the choices given. not dark at all n more colourful than the old one. looks more cheerful..

Today i did a very smart thing. i didnt bring my hp to uni..n i was waiting for a reply from a friend. forgot to bring when i needed it. so went through the trouble to borrow my friends' hp, called my cousin who was still at home (fortunately)n got the number i needed, then managed to arrange with my younger cousin who was supposed to pick me up about the time n place to meet (if not he wont be able to reach me..) so inconvenient. wats wrong with me? getting more n more forgetful n blurer each day..angry with myself. n i didnt manage to buy a new mouse today, becos i was worried that my cousin would be waiting for me at the place we were supposed to meet. so i just grabbed a lunch n just stood there looking out for him. didnt have the heart to make him wait for long becos he didnt sleep last night, n i understand how tired he is. i always skip sleep too. so again, i got to wait for another chance to go get one. really hate myself. everything would have been fine if i remember to bring my hp out. so smart la

I still couldnt get over 100% about wat had happened..nowadays i see myself troubling ppl ard me, arranging transport. ask them to send me, pick me up. i know i m troubling them n yet i got to depend on them..feel bad about that. i didnt want it this way too..i dont really want to depend on ppl so much..but i have no choice..i still cant make myself travelling alone. even just now while i was waiting for my cousin in the shopping mall, somehow i was a bit worried too becos i was alone. no friends ard. just me. sigh..how long more do i need to overcome the fear totally? i have done it once n now i need to do it yet again. sigh..

I feel like going home. i need to go home n let my mind rest for a while. think about nothing at all n just enjoy the comfort at my own house. enjoy my mum's care n cooking. enjoy s'porean tv channels..before i start studying hard for my finals..but how can i get the time? no long weekends. no holidays. i cant go home..

Sigh...